So today, as my boss began putting out our restaurants spring flower pots, I realized: IT’S SPRING! And Spring means flowers! I LOVE FLOWERS! But this year, as it does every four years, Spring has another meaning (slightly less important than flowers, but still pretty important I guess), the rise of armies of citizens attempting to convince every other citizen to vote for their candidate because they’re more special than all the others! For instance, today I was approached by a gentleman that swore on his life that Ron Paul is somehow different than every other lying politician that has passed through the polls through the years (never heard that one before). But I digress.
So anyways, this is the first election that I will be able to vote in, so I’ve been attempting to take my attention off the beauty and purity of flowers for long enough to wade through the mounds of political sewage to find out who smells slightly less than all the other pipe rats. It is taking…a lot more effort than I had originally expected. Several hours, four refills of my trenti iced black tea, and (what seems like) a hundred pee breaks later, I’ve hit a dead end. Why is it so difficult to find clear answers on where these candidates stand on “issues” such as abortion, jobs, war, etc? I mean…their website says one thing, but then apparently in 1974 (or some other insignificant year) they voted to the contrary of what they’re saying they believe now so all of a sudden they’re a liar and anyone with half a brain would cast their vote elsewhere. Are these people not human? It makes you wonder. Once I was a marijuana-smoking hippie-whore that could care less about anything except the next time I could get high and do something “super rad” and now I’m a Bible-thumpin’ Christian who’s married to a man I genuinely love, have a job, an apartment, and real responsibilities. Don’t people change? But anywho…
It seems to me like if any of these people cared about jobs and stuff, they’d be funneling their millions of campaign dollars into the economy or something. I honestly don’t know though. I’m not like a super-educated economist who keeps up with every single election debate; but I am a real person. A lower-class American Citizen who just wants someone to stand up for our Constitution (and the lives of the millions of living babies violently murdered every year by means of abortion). But it really is seeming to me right now like most candidates would sacrifice anything (including human life) to get into office.
And any lad honest enough to stand up for what they really believe is instantly silenced by any number of richer candidates and/or major corporations. But then again, everyone has their price…right?
When will the cycle end?
Your input is encouraged. Please tell me where I can find the straight up truth! …if such a place or website or show even exists.